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As a sufferer, I personally feel that carers - parents, husbands, wives, brothers, sisters etc. - suffer more than the actual person who has the eating disorder. It has taken me a long time to realise and accept this and it wasn't and easy thing to take on board. I know that there will probably be a lot of sufferers out there who will disagree with that statement but someday I know they will...
Some Tips For Carers
- Do not try to find a rational answer to an irrational problem. you could waste a lot of time trying to find 'why'. You may need to accept this fact in order to avoid feeling angry and frustrated
- Stop trying to find a single cause or cure for Eating Distress. These are complex, multifactor problems that have emerged over time fro many different emotions, experiences, biological and psychological conditions. Each individual has his/her own history that makes his/her eating distress unique. This often makes the recovery process slow and complex. You must understand that there are no 'magic pills' or instant cures.
- If possible, keep in touch with other people in a similar situation
- Accept that you are powerless to make others eat or stop their bingeing or purging. Often the more you try to control this behaviour, the worse it becomes
- Be supportive, honest and keep promises
- Remember, he/she wants control over his/her eating. Let him/her have control unless it is dangerous to them
- Do not allow family life to revolve around the Eating Distress. Do not neglect spouses or other family members
- Don't become a martyr. Make sure you take care of yourself
- Join family therapy
- Do not use manipulative statements like, "you are ruining the whole family". Do not put the sufferer down or compare him/her to others
- Realise that your loved one is probably ambivalent about getting help or changing
- Realise that the two most important things that you may contribute are love and support. These are a very important part of recovery.
- Do not become your family member/friend's therapist. It will not be effective and may seriously damage the relationship between you. No one else can truly fill the need of having loving parents, siblings, spouses, friends, etc.
If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me
GROUPS FOR CARERS IN THE REPUBLIC OF IRELAND
If you are living in the Republic of Ireland, there are meetings held every Monday for carers (parents, siblings, partners, etc.), from 8.00pm - 9.30pm. These meetings are held in:
The Marino Therapy Centre
22 Marino Mart
Fairview
Dublin 3
For more information, you can contact the Marino Therapy Centre on:
+353 1 833 3126 Monday - Friday, 10.00am - 1.00pm
Helpline: +353 1 833 3063 Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Sunday, 6.00pm - 8.00pm.
Or else you can email the Marino Therapy Centre at
marinotherapy@hotmail.com
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Food and Weight...
The first piece of advice I give anybody when they ask me What can I do to help him/her? is forget about the person's physical symptoms (food, weight, exercise, purging etc.).
A lot of people look at me in shock when I say this because they feel that these are the most important areas of an Eating Disorder and they should be tackled first -- wrong! In fact, from my experience and the experience of others, emphasising food, weight etc. just makes the condition worse for many reasons, in my case the biggest reason being that it just reinforced my believe that my Eating Disorder and being ill was the only way that people would notice me and love me. Crazy or what?!?!?
WANT TO READ A BOOK THAT ACTUALLY GIVES ADVICE THAT HELPS?
HOPE. UNDERSTANDING EATING DISORDERS Marie Campion (O'Brien Press)
I strongly recommend this book (pictured at the top of the page) if you want some useful advice and tips. It is written by sufferers for sufferers and there is also a lot of good advice for parents and carers. It contains a section on Men and Eating Disorders which is something that is lacking from a lot of Eating Disorder Self-Help books.
Ten out of ten!
This book can be purchased online at:
http://www.obrien.ie/
Images of Models Can't Cause Eating Disorders...
Images of super skinny models can't cause an Eating Disorder but they can be a triggering factor. Constantly looking in awe at these images or going on about how much you wished you looked like these models does not help the sufferer.
As a society we have to learn to accept ourselves the way we are and stop comparing ourselves to these unrealistic images.
The most important thing you can do when helping an Eating Distress sufferer is to learn to like and accept yourself.
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